28.3.16

Easter Monday, a day of relaxing, eating chocolate, sitting in the sunshine and watching the blossom on the trees, wouldn't you say?
I don't think so. Hurricane Kate blew in during the night and landed someones shed roof in my garden. And now I've been deposited at the hospital. And even more depressing,  I've been given a door side bed, not the window side bed. The miserable woman in the window bed likes to have the curtain pulled between us so i can't get any light. I shall make up for it by having the main room light on till midnight!
I have been attached to the evil bags. No. I need to be more positive. I have Six Platters (Cisplatin) running and Mankini (Mannitol) is nearly finished. I had a bag of Hydrangeas first (hydration). I believe the Six Terrapins (Citarabine) and Messy Bread (Methyl Pred) come later.
I have questioned how i will have the melted Cadbury chocolate administered. The charge nurse, Paul, has told me its via an enema. Thats not very friendly, is it? He's not entering into the spirit of Easter, in my opinion.
The HCA that came to do my 4 hourly obs was a darling. I had visitors at the time.
'Have you had your bowels open today?' she asked. Not embarrassed about being asked such a sensitive question, i replied,'yes thank you' with a smile on my face.
'What was it like?' she asked while thrusting a picture of all the different types of poo!
Then.......
'Whats your weight?'
So as to not shout out how fat i am, i showed her the figure that id written down on my pad earlier so i can compare tomorrow when I'm weighed again.
So instead of just type it into her little machine, she said it out loud, so everyone knows what a porker i am!
Damn steroids, and damn woman!
Miserable woman has been discharged so I've been shunted across to the window bed so I'm happy now, no more moaning and complaining from me....
OK, so I'm trying to enjoy my cup of tasteless weak black tea after my breakfast, in bed, watching Everybody Loves Raymond and I'm asked to get up so she can make my bed!
Come back later girlfriend!
One of the HCA's has got so much perfume on it makes me feel really sick!
The methyl prednisolone infusion that i have each afternoon makes my mouth taste bitter. All of a sudden i notice it come on, so i have to suck sweets. It wasn't like this the last time i had ESHAP! Its not nice at all. Such a strong bitter taste. Its obviously the cheaper brand! NHS cuts!
And thats me not moaning and complaining!
Been a very busy day here in this sprawling metropolis called Durlston Ward. Ive seen Sammy the specialist nurse who is going to take me to see the stem cell harvesting machine this afternoon. Im looking forward to that. T'will be very interesting.
Ive been told by Sammy that my tummy jabs that i have to have when i get home have to be between 9 and 10 in the evening so as to be perfect for when I'm harvested. Who'd have thought it had to be so precise?
Here she is. I have the blue one to remove my blue blood!

 

I asked loads of questions, as i normally do, nosey bugger, and i think i understand it a bit more.
Salvage chemo (ESHAP) hopefully gets me into remission. Then my stem cells* are taken after all the stimulating jabs*. Then I'm given BEAM* which should ensure the hl doesn't come back cos its soooooooo strong (hopefully, fingers crossed, and all that). but it kills off all my blood cells. In about 6 months my body would recover all my blood cell levels to normal,......if i were to survive in that time! Something would more than likely take me out with my bloods in that state. So therefore my stem cells are given to recover my bloods in a matter of weeks. Which answers my question of why do i need ESHAP if BEAM would do the job.
'There would be no stem cells to give you to save your blood levels, and therefore your life.'
During transplant time i have to be in isolation so i don't die! Sounds dramatic, but thats a fact. It sort of hits home a bit. If my stem cells went missing, I'm up the creek without a paddle.

*Stem cells are made in the bone marrow and they lay there quietly until needed.They mature into cells in bones, heart muscles, nerves, and other organs and tissue. In a transplant they are guided into becoming the cells that we need, i.e. blood cells.
*Stimulating jabs encourage my bone marrow to make loads more stem cells than normal. As a simple example, i needed to make 15 per amount of blood, and i made 400! Obviously in reality that would equate to millions.
*BEAM is the high intense chemo that will do its darnedest to cure me of cancer. ESHAP i hope will get me to remission, but it probably wouldn't keep me there. BEAM is the chemo everyone is scared of!
On that note i shall post this

25.3.16

Happy Flipping Easter!
I was woken by a cock! Yes, Bruce, cock a doodling at about 4am. I feel a chicken stew coming on!
Today i visited the next door neighbours animals again. The lambs are looking so cute now. And they have new additions of ducks, geese and chickens. No cocks, thank goodness.
And then a visit to the local garden centre for lunch. A cheese, tomato and onion panini, accompanied by a portion of people watching, my favourite pastime. Then i was treated to a Mr Whippy ice cream, which was affected by the lovely warm weather and decided to drip profusely, like a viral rhinitis. Strangely i found i was unable to finish it, which, when discussing ice cream, is a mysterious phenomena. Ive never been known to leave ice cream.
I have had an unwanted visitor. Two, in fact. I have a cough/cold/viral type thing going on, and the lovely vertigo is back to annoy me. It doesn't affect me really badly, but if i move my head too quickly i have to wait for the world to catch up with me. At bedtime i have to have my eyes open and i focus on something until my head settles.
An enjoyable time was had by all until the day of my return. The day of leaving my puppy dogs, yet again.
Home again and waiting for my admission phone call for my next onslaught of toxins.

24.3.16

Had a call from the specialist nurse practitioner telling me i had to have pre chemo bloods done yesterday otherwise i can't have chemo on monday! That was the message she got from pharmacy at the hospital. You'd have thought they could have let me know earlier wouldn't you? Im not at home so can't just call in to the hospital. Well this was the beginning of a day of stress, as well as seeing the funny side of life.
It was arranged that i would go to Trowbridge Hospital for the said bloods.
Trowbridge hospital don't take blood! Have you ever heard anything so daft! They probably don't do operations, or treatment, or even have patients either.
So Bath hospital then.
'But you don't have a blood form???'
'Can you not fax one across, or get a Bath doctor to write one?'
They decided to fax one.
It all seems so easy in my world. Im sure theres more to it than i know, but really.....
So i arrived at Bath and had to queue for a parking spot. Luckily i wasn't dying. Eventually got in and headed towards the entrance with signs such as B8 -B9. Or C21- 23. I decided to cut down on time and stress i would ask someone.
'Can you tell me where Neurology blood room is please?'
'B9. Turn left and turn right.'
Easily found.
I was given a number and told to sit.
A chinese lady came out and shouted a number. 5 Minutes later she returned with a male colleague (eastern european) and called another 2 numbers, missing me out. She saw my dismay so changed her mind.
I was told to follow the man into a room and he asked my date of birth. And then my name. And then my date of birth. And then my name!
You're not on my system.
I explained again the form had been faxed across from Poole as i needed bloods urgently.
He had no idea what to do with this situation.
I mentioned the name of the person whom the form had been faxed to and a little light bulb lit up in his head. He contacted her and it went to voicemail.
I was redeposited in the waiting room to wait.
Suddenly thrust in front of my face by the chinese lady, was a faxed blood form.
'Is this you?'
Yes it was so i was lead back to the room where the form was thrust in my face again.
'Is this you?'
'Yes.' I replied again.
'Are you sure?'
Maybe i should phone a friend.
She took the blood through a needle and syringe. They couldn't use my line because they're not trained for it! Thats the joy of the line. You don't have to endure many pricks! She told me she would mark it as urgent, even though it was already marked as urgent.
'These results will go to Poole won't they?' I asked.
Well..... i had a lecture from her for about 5 minutes and all i got out of it was 'nurse, ring, 2, best'
I think she meant, to be sure of getting the results the nurse should ring and check around 2pm!
I just stood, wide eyed, and then escaped as soon as i could.
And now today i have woken with a cold and a violent cough! Thats not gonna be good on monday.
Monday? Whats happening monday? Its chemo day. However, admissions haven't rang me with a time and i don't know if their department is open over the easter holidays! I give up!

22.3.16

Graphs. Lists. Pie charts. Im a bit OCD when it comes to stuff like this. Ive always had lists, and even lists of what lists i need to make!

This is my latest list/graph.  Its a bit amateur. Im not OCD enough to have to type it all, print it and laminate it. Although if i did, i would be able to wipe it clean........
After all it will be in the recycling bin in a few months time! In the paper pile of course.
Its the amount of days i have to have treatment. The top bit is how many days approximately till its finished, its not definite cos things change. The second part is my next lot of chemo, the amount of hours! The next row is 3 weeks of radiotherapy, and the bottom bit is the mighty transplant! I feel slightly silly having this list, but it does help me.
I now know i am mad! Who in their right mind does this? Am i the only one?
I even have to use the sat nav when i go to visit Chris's house. Not cos i don't know the way, but because i like to see the mileage go down, and the length of time go down. I also like to beat the time the sat nav says i'll arrive! I think thats called speeding!
In my ideal world everything would be perfect. I would only have healthy food. My car would be spotless. Everything in my house would be in its place. Ive always been known for having everything organised in cupboards. Boxes with smaller boxes inside all packed to the rafters with rubbish i could do with chucking out. But you never know when you're gonna need it!
My attic is full of large plastic boxes with stuff in. Not a ripped, tatty cardboard box, a large, neat, stackable, plastic box. My Christmas decos are in smaller boxes, in the correct colours, the same type all together, inside the large box. I don't know what id do if i opened them on the 1st december (always the 1st december) to find a red bauble had got in with the copper and turquoise ones!
I like to play these games on FB where you build a town or a farm and everything is in its place. Its so annoying when one of the quests is to buy an iced penguin. Where would you  put that for goodness sake?
And what i find odd is that out of my 3 sons, 2 of them are a little OCD and the third one isn't, but he's doing a PhD in OCD.  His place looks like Steptoes Yard! Strangely i can relax at his place. I don't feel the need to organise it cos i know it won't last 5 minutes. Ive organised, cleaned and tidied his kitchen cupboards before, next time i visit.....cant find a thing, all untidy and he doesn't mind. Probably cos, being disabled, he doesn't get to look in the cupboards or fridge.
Thinking about it........i think I'm more disabled than he is!

21.3 16

Suture day!!
As long as she doesnt forget. Ive asked the nurse to come today so tomorrow i can go to Chris for my last week before my next onslaught of chemo. It seems a life time away that i had the last lot. This time next week ill be attached to Rudolph again (drip stand and pumps) and have to take him everywhere i go for 5 days. Really looking forward to that. Its like being married but without the income!
Stitch out, so my next problem is worrying about the line staying put! Im sure it'll be fine, but i have to have something to worry about! But at least i don't have to worry about the line flush this week. They can do it on monday when I'm in hospital.
So i have 5-6 days at Chris's house, surrounded by dogs, pigs, sheep, alpacas, chickens, ducks and geese...oh yes, and an evil cat and an evil cockerel....oh yes and the odd rat or two. To keep me distracted theres possible lambing (hopefully), new ducks etc to view, and the building work thats going on at Chris's house. Unfortunately the builders that have been on site have both been in their late 60's i think, so its not like the Coke Break advert.

More this....

                                                                ......than this!
A lovely evening with my choir friends. Really enjoyed it. I wore a scarf. I feel the need to report on my head gear no matter where I've been. By the time i got home, and after all the hugs i had at choir, the scarf was nearly hanging off. I felt a bit like Cinderella, just got home in time before my pretty scarf turned to a bristly head! Anyway, i whipped it off and donned my wooly hat, which is not head gear to be worn anywhere except in the house, and not to be viewed by the public. I did my chores and then got undressed for bed. Wooly tights off, dress off over the head. I taped my line in case its not as well anchored now it doesn't have a dressing on it, and got into bed. Something was missing. I had my phone, laptop, remote control, cup of tea. Then it dawned on me.......i was bald! My hat had come off when i took my dress off. I think you had to be there, but it made me laugh.
Oh the jolly japes i have on my chemo journey!

18.3.16

Id forgotten what it was like to be bald!
Because i gave myself a grade 1 all over, its like laying on a nail brush at bedtime! The small hairs that were so desperate to depart feel bristly and are so uncomfortable. I keep rubbing my head hoping to  pull them out, but it hurts!
And when those little hairs do manage to escape, they find they're way into my eyes, or my mouth or all over the flipping place! I even took to using one of those sticky lint remover that you roll over your clothes to remove hair and stuff. It took a few off, but not enough to stop me complaining.
And worse than that, its given me a headache. Who'd have thought that? My head is cold and it aches, so i put my hat on and then i get too hot.
Oh no......i feel myself moving into that world of constantly whinging!
Today i am meeting the lovely Linzi for coffee so i feel a catwalk of hats and head gear coming on.
Had a lovely time, she treated me to brekky, and we had a jolly good gossip. I have to try not to move my head too much in case my head wear of choice falls off.
Today i just wore a scarf. I think the following choices are a little OTT.

Sunday is cinema day. Went to see London has Fallen with my friend. It was very good although a little unrealistic at times. But it kept me on the edge of my seat which is probably why i have back/kidney ache today!

Whilst we were choosing which snack we were gonna have for during the film, and we chose some bacon flavour maize type nibbles, nice but noisy, there was a girl with long long hair, PVC tight trousers, a poncho type top and bright red lips who stood in front of the mirror faffing with her hair, for the same length of time that her boyfriend bought drinks. It was for over 5 minutes which is a long time to be admiring yourself in public. They were sat across the aisle from us, in the premier seats, and they, and her in particular, talked all the way through the trailers and adverts, quite loudly. People were calling out, telling them to shut up and she would just shout back, 'you shut up'. Eventually, my friend went over and disturbed them snogging, and asked them if they wouldn't mind being quiet as people were at that point trying to watch the film. She started shouting, 'do you work here, are you allowed to put your hands on me?' He had tapped them both on the shoulder! Another woman went and complained to management and they sat a member of staff in front of them and told them any more noise and they would have to leave. Of course they were quiet other than the boyfriends phone that went off a couple of times and eventually left. 

Who spends money for the cinema and then talks all the way through?

Anyway, they left so i thought it time i opened my bacon crispy snacks and rattly packet!

Then we went out for dinner, back home for coffee, and then he left me watching The Voice. A good day, id say. And the scarf stayed in tact for the whole day out. Result!

16.3.16

Todays the first day i ventured out follically challenged.
I spent about half an hour wrapping different scarves round my bonce and eventually settled for a purpley one. I felt my animal type bobble hat wasn't fit to be seen in public. I didn't want to be arrested for frightening children.

And i did think once id shaved all the long hairs off my head it wouldn't be so disruptive. But now instead it looks like a small blonde (grey really but i don't want to admit to that) hamster has been playing Twister on my pillow!

Anyway, i digress, as i normally do....

We, Chris, Chloe, Rachel (Chris's PA) and I decided to go to The Mall at Cribbs Causeway. It was lovely there, but I'm shattered now and back home (at Chris's) being waited on. I could get used to this.
We got there at about 12 and headed straight for food! It was horrid, and apparently it wasn't my taste buds playing up, everyone agreed the food was naff.
We wandered up and down the rows of shops, popping in and out. I bought 2 pairs of shoes from a woman I'm sure had an IQ the same as the amount of shoes in a pair! It was hard work.
Krispy creme called out to us as we passed by, and being that the glazed doughnuts looked remarkably like my head we felt duty bound to buy a few.
Our main visit there for the day was to look at 3 piece suites for when Chris's lounge has been built. So we ambled round a few shops, bouncing up and down on the various sofas. I even tried out the odd double bed, even though he doesn't need one. I was woken half an hour later by the store manager with a cup of tea. Thats not strictly true. When they realised this wheelchaired young man, 2 young gals, and bald eagle were interested in the more expensive end of the sofa selection, he offered us a hot drink. Far be it from me to say no. I put my feet up and enjoyed it, whilst questioning him on guarantees etc.
Having driven through Bath and all the quaint little roads and hills, we got home to find the new carer had cleaned the place to within an inch of its life, walked the 7 dogs (3 being mine), fed them and still had time to watch a bit of screaming on MTV. Ive invited her to stay at my place if thats the treatment the house gets.
Anyway, I'm sure it must be dinner time!

15.3.16

Todays the day!
I cannot put up with the receding hair line any more. I wake up in the morning and it looks like I've been in bed with a gorilla. The pillow has become plastered with hair. My hair!
No longer can i put up with the tickle as a hair escapes and rolls down my face and neck. I keep thinking its an insect.
No longer will i try to enjoy a meal, even if it is tasteless, whilst shouting, 'Waiter, theres a hair in my soup!'
Today i will find the clippers and release myself from all this.
Yesterday i managed to fashion a Donald Trump style wig - very tasteful. I have made a large moustache which was paraded round the kitchen whilst the dogs watched in amazement. I have made a small hat for Dottie - she wasn't impressed. And a small birds nest.
I have checked other regions.......nothing as yet. Still tarantula-esque.
So what other positives are there to being a baldy coot?
No bad hair days.
No shampooing conditioning and blow drying.
No hair dyeing.
A special fraternity with like minded people (or like headed). Solidarity.
You can sneak past people you don't like cos they don't recognise you!
You get the opportunity to wear different hats and scarves that you haven't worn all year.
You get up in the morning and you're ready to rock.
Your eyes stand out, especially if you can be bothered to put a little make up on them.
And of course, my favourite. I can play some little games. Looking strangers in the eye and seeing their reactions. Opening the front door to charity workers (even when you have a sign on the door saying no sellers or charities) and in the weakest most pathetic voice possible saying, 'helloooo.' Its strange how they scarper quicker than you can get your cheque book out!
Maybe its cruel, but you gotta have some perks to having cancer.
I did a bit of research about baldness.
Did you know, if you lost your hair at a young age you're 45% less likely to get prostate cancer! Lucky me!
Its a sign of masculinity...... this is not the effect i was hoping for.
You stay looking the same age cos you don't go grey! Im not convinced about this. I look about 100.
You have better leadership potential as you are more assertive and more powerful. Id say i'm more intolerant, but thats not quite the same.
I love this one.....baldness is linked to Badass Persona and Intelligence. I'll take that!
Booyakasha!

11.3.16

Uh oh!
Guess who can't brush her hair any more cos its falling out? Yes me! Im glad i washed it yesterday.
I now have to think of some different headresses. Last year i had a feather boa, a hand made over sized wooly hat, different scarves and a wig. Im gonna see if i can come up with something unique this time. Any suggestions, let me know!
Dr Jack just rang. Apparently my stem cells were so successful he has suggested we go in to business together and open a stem cell farm! I had enough cells to do a transplant 10 times over! So when they're harvested he will take them all and freeze them for if they're needed in the future. Thats why I've felt so rough over the last 10 days.
So that they are harvested at the right time, i don't need to go in for my next session of chemo till the 28th march! Im amazed. I have another 2 weeks off. I could go on holiday if i wanted.  He has said my chance of curing this is now 50 - 60% and they want to give me the best chance, so as soon as the next session of chemo is done, and after the jabs, the cells are harvested and frozen. I have a pet scan to check my status, in remission or not, and they will then decided whether i need more chemo or not, then i will start radio. He said he'd rather i had just the 2 sessions to keep the toxicity down. Its not good for you!!
I have decided to stay at Chris's for a few days. There are plenty of distractions, (and i don't need to cook dinner). There are sheep next door and they're lambing and i love that. The alpacas of course, making their funny noises. The pigs squealing and rolling in mud. They always remind me of a song my mum used to sing to her brother when she was younger.

A pig is an animal with dirt on his face, his shoes are a terrible disgrace.
He's got no manners when he eats his food, he's fat and lazy and extremely rude.
So if you don't give a feather or a fig, you may grow up to be a pig.

The good thing about being on a farm.... you always need straw, hay and bedding. My hair is dropping so quickly i could make a few mattresses for the lambs!

9.3.16

Thank goodness i had a good nights sleep. I still feel like I've strapped myself onto  HGV lorry and dragged it from Bournemouth to Poole. Everything is aching, but i can cope with that.
Today is stem cell levels at PGH which is lucky cos I'm still there with my lorry! And another breakfast out. Where can we go? The view isn't as important today cos its windy and rainy out there. But i also need to remember to not have a huge breakfast cos it makes me feel uncomfortable. Ive tried to figure out why I'm feeling this way.
Chemo gives you a thing called mucositis, where you are inflamed from the mouth down to the underpant department. I think thats it. My mouth feels swollen and is not working properly, which some would say is a good thing! But i hate to say it. I can still talk! Mucositis would explain why i have mild tummy ache and wind! Luckily its blowy outside so i can blame it on that. However, this is all do-able. It could be far worse.
I noticed last evening after dinner that i felt like id eaten a 7 course meal. I used to feel like this when i was on steroids. So uncomfortable.
Another thing...my hair hurts! Whether this means its on the move, only time will tell. I haven't washed it for a while. Its difficult to wash it with a hickman line in. I have to keep the line dry and it goes from my chest to my neck, so thats a challenge in itself. Todays the day tho. I will be covered in so much tape to keep it from submerging. Then when i remove the tape, cos my skins sensitive now, its quite tender. At least its taken all the hair off my chest!!!
Oh dear, that didn't go well. I was lathering up when a bit got in my eye so i had to keep them closed. I reached for the shower attachment and rinsed the shampoo off. Managed to clean my face of suds and opened my eyes to see my 'tubes' dangling in the water. I don't think its the end of the world but not the best thing to happen.
Its amazing how much bathing takes it out of me. After a dunk, i need to chill for a bit, and i usually fall asleep quite quickly. Today i was away with the fairies and the phone rang. I nearly hit the ceiling i jumped so much, but i suppose thats a form of exercise so i shan't complain too much. It was Sammy, my specialist nurse practitioner. She told me my stem cells were high enough now so i could stop the jabs. Oh what nice news. I can't say it was hideous having them, but everything has a psychological effect. Its all a reminder of what i have and what i  have to go through. Its like when I'm having chemo. Watching the 24 hour bags drip (theres 2 of them constantly running one after the other for 5 days) is not too bad. They drip slowly. But when they put the etoposide, mannitol and methyl prednisolone up they near enough run into my veins and that really spooks me. I almost look forward to the methyl pred because its the end of the fast flowing part of the treatment for the day and back to my trusty 2 bags, and because the steroid reduces my symptoms, making me feel better than i should. However as you know, cos I've moaned enough about it, steroids make you feel awful not just when you come off them, but during too. I hope hope hope this next lot get me into remission so i don't have to have any more of that and i can move onto the next step.
Sammy also told me i don't have to go for bloods today, which also was nice. I asked if my issues were mucositis and should i still have that 10 days after chemo and she assured me it was and its a very heavy duty chemo so to be expected. It sounds quite pretty doesn't it ESHAP.
Every Spoonful Has A Poison! Every Smile Hides A Pain! Enjoy Some Healing At Poole! Exterminate Swellings Helps At Preventing! I think ill stop there, i could go on and on.
So today, all being well,  i will possibly go in the garden and fill the green recycle bin ready for monday (i think its Monday). I must be feeling better!

8.3.16

I tried to relax as much as i could all day after i got in from brekky yesterday. I felt really good. I knew i had a few things going on later in the day so it was time to chill.
Rang my nurse specialist to find out about my bloods and I'm pleased to say they have recovered after the last chemo session. However she hadn't had my stem cell level result but regardless of the result i don't get to stop the jabs!  
Nursey arrived at 4 ish and did the deed. I now have 9 left.
Then Phil arrived for dinner, jacket potatoes with cheese and beans, he had salad, I'm not allowed!
I was so excited. Because i was feeling ok, and it being a choir night, i decided to go to choir for a quick visit before we continued our evening with Sarah Millican.
We turned up and Phil was getting worried i was gonna make him do a solo or something. He had no need to worry!
Walked in to the hall and Chris Kim and Kelly were setting up. Chris saw me and his face lit up, it was lovely. He gave me a big hug and asked how i was. I explained we weren't stopping but i would love to do the warm up and sing Hold My Hand, one of my favourites. So upbeat and lovely lyrics. Quite apt i think.

Darling, hold my hand
Oh, won't you hold my hand?
'Cause I don't wanna walk on my own anymore, won't you understand?
'Cause I don't wanna walk alone
I'm ready for this, there's no denying
I'm ready for this, you stop me falling
I'm ready for this, I need you all in
I'm ready for this, so darling, hold my hand

Don't wanna know
That feeling when I'm all alone
So please don't make me wait, 'cause I don't wanna break
No, I don't wanna fall
When you're next to me
Can tell I'm not afraid to be
That you don't make me wait, and never let me break
You never let me fall

Apparently he had already said that was the plan, to sing Hold my Hand, so i was really pleased. Then the choir started arriving and they all gave me hugs and lots of encouraging and supportive messages.  I felt really special and loved. 
The warm up commenced which led to fun and laughter whilst trying to nail the 1.2.3.4.5. warm up - not easy. 
Then Chris told the choir that i was here tonight for a short visit and said we were gonna sing Hold My Hand specially for me. Oh it was wonderful. Ive only had 2 weeks off but it seems like a lifetime. Singing the song with this bunch of people was so emotional but exciting. Im so glad we went. Then i waved good bye to them all, blew Chris a kiss and we were off on our next part of the evening. Sarah Millican. 
To say she was fab is an understatement. So funny. Unfortunately we were not allowed to take photos but i managed to get this little snap on the way out. 

Its a great place to people watch especially when you're waiting to escape at the end of the evening. There was the big bird in front of me with a lovely faux fur coat on, she was very glamorous. She had these gorgeous black shoes on that had ankle straps and were very pointy. But she had socks on with them! And her feet must have been about a 9 or 10.

I think this is the shoe or similar.........with socks! Wheres Gok Wan when you need him?

We arrived home about 10.30 and stuffed our faces with crackers, goats cheese and caramelised onion relish cos we were famished after all the laughing. 

Then Phil headed off for home and i  headed off for bed. 

Today i am sooooooooo tired. I can't believe how shattered i feel. Luckily i have no marathons to be running today. It was well worth it tho. 

6.3.16

Just had a mental block, is it 2015 or 2016!! Give me strength.
Happy mothers day, although its cancelled in my house today. I decided a few weeks back i was gonna cancel it and have it when my treatments all over. I didn't know how id be feeling and wanted to enjoy my day and all my prezzies. It was just as well cos Chris wouldn't be able to get here today cos 1. he has 7 dogs to look after, and 2. he has no transport. And 3. I've slept for a fair bit of the day so id have been no fun.
So today, other than sleeping, I've watched TV, had a bath, welcomed a different nurse in to jab me and chilled out.
Alarm set for tomorrow morning........ what the devil! Visit to PGH for bloods to check levels of stem cells in my blood. Hoping they are sky high and i can stop these darned jabs.
Monday - alarm (a first for months), bath, make up (thats a first for a couple of weeks), a bra (another first), and out of the front door (another first)!
The lovely Sharon took me. Strict instructions to wear no perfume cos of my temporary aversion to anything smelly, be it nice or nasty.
Eventually found the Medical Investigation Unit after going up in the lift and up a flight of stairs, then through B5 (my first placement during my training), down another flight and as if by magic, there it was.
I informed the nurse of the difficulties with drawing blood last friday, i think she was hoping for an easy day after the weekend.
Of course, my line played up. I waved my arm, hung it low, did a shimmy.....nothing. Only then when i did the YMCA dance did it work! Next time i go, wednesday, I'm gonna wear a traffic cop outfit or a red indian headress. If you're gonna do something, its better to do it in style!
So the appointment went well. My specialist nurse is looking out for the results. Ive been told if my stem cell count is high enough i can stop the jabs until after the next chemo. That would be a result. My belly is really starting to look like I'm wearing a tie dye t shirt. Im covered in purple patches. I think 'purple patch' is a phrase.

purple patch

noun

plural noun: purple patches

1. 1. 

   BRITISHinformal

   a run of success or good luck.

   "people expect me to score in every game now I've hit a purple patch"
2. 2. 

   another term for purple passage.

I googled it. Look what it came up with! A run of success. Nice to see google has a sense of humour.
So its brekky time. I remembered somewhere I've haunted before. Parkstone Bay Marina.

It was flipping amazing. The sun shone, the sky was blue, the venue was lovely, the food was quality, small, but enough for me, and jolly good company. Its raised my mood, which wasn't low to start with, no end. We had a wander round the marina and noticed some relevant boat names! Then home again to relax before the next district nurse comes to practice her darts action on me. Hope her hands aren't too cold.

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5.3.16

A flipping top day!
Sharon came a-visiting. I was still in bed and had spilled soup down the front of my oldest but most comfortable, dull grey/light blue dressing gown, after washing it yesterday, so i looked and felt like a slob. But we had a giggle, a whinge,  and put the world to rights.
She buggered off and left me so i thought id have a bath and try and sponge the dirty dressing gown, not very well i might add. Had a bath after taping my Kickman up high cos its not supposed to get wet. I lay there enjoying the warmth with my iPad, playing games and imagining I'm on a deserted beach but without the pina colada, when i received a message from the lovely Kelly offering me her company.
I got myself all sorted and dressed in proper clothes, not a dirty dressing gown and she arrived, armed with Percy Pig sweets (ready for the Voice tonight), yellow tulips, a lovely card and an envelope. An envelope of distinction too. Vellum, it was. I know about vellum, being a scrap booker. Inside was an invitation for a special spa day and afternoon tea from Chris and all my lovely friends at choir. To say I'm touched is an understatement.

After a heavy going couple of weeks, to know people are thinking of me this much is so heart warming. Do you know, i could kiss 'em all. And i have had so many wonderful messages today, it makes my heart swell, not literally of course, that wouldn't be good. Its times like this when i feel my journey is not one i'll be taking alone.

One thing i need to sort before my spa day is my hairy legs! Cos I've waited so long to find out if the Parasite (Hodgkins lymphoma - needed a new name for it for my new blog) is definitely back, since last september/october, I've left the sugaring cos i thought, 'why pay for it when they will more than likely just fall out during treatment,' and 'why suffer the pain when they will fall out pain freely'. Needless to say, I'm like a flipping tarantula. I could scare any arachnophobe. If i got in a swimming pool right now id sink, i'd be waterlogged. 

One minor negative today that i haven't mentioned yet was the arrival of nursey at about 12.30, just after Sharon. They normally come about 4pm. Im able to get myself ready prepped for this daily invasion. Bathed, dressed, tummy bared and clutched in the hope it will not hurt.  Did none of these things. I was still in the grotty dressing gown, hair not even brushed. Luckily she had a mop of hair that didn't look that much better than mine. She was an older lady, older than the other nurses that is. She was a similar age to me.......have i just described myself as an older lady? And it seems she was working at Poole Hospital roughly the same time as me, we worked on the same ward but different times, and we had a flipping good reminisce about nursing and how its changed, and people we both knew. Ooh it was such good fun. 

So i had the dressing gown on, with the soup stain, a camisole top on that seems to hold my Kickman in place, otherwise it dangles precariously and can be tugged on when least expecting it. And underwear...phew! I bared my tummy to her as she pointed the large injection into the air and scarily removed any air bubbles. 'Which side?' she asked. 'Take your pick.' I replied.

Manoeuvring her way around my bruises, she found a clearing, and bang! She was in. She injected......far too quickly for my liking, and pulled out, swabbing the area. 

It looks remarkably like an ordnance survey map now. 

4.3.16

Welcome to the launch of my new blog. It will be carrying on from where i left off on the last one, unfortunately aliens have invaded that one so i need a new name. I am still the boss, in case you were wondering.
Sixth day out of hospital and I'm feeling good ish.
Im feeling a lot happier following the end of an issue, i hope!
With regards my health, i have not much to say! Which i suppose is good. Im still having daily jabs. Its supposed to be 3 of them, but they have started removing the empty syringe and adding the next one whilst the needle is protruding from my bruised tummy. Only one jab = result! Today was suture removal from my Kickman line. I was happy to hear the stitch was blue, at least it went with my eyes. The said line was also due a flush to keep it happy. Attempts were made to remove blood first, which didn't happen out of either lumen (2 tubes), but administering saline and then heparin (a blood thinner) went without a hitch. My worry is that I'm visiting the Medical Investigation Unit on monday wednesday and friday for bloods. I presume i don't go to the path lab because of all the potential bugs and bacteria floating around. Or maybe its cos I'm special! If they can't get blood they may fiddle with it, and i don't like fiddling!
The nurses have been great. Ive found i have mutual friends with them, which is quite comforting. And they all seem to have a sense of humour so a few giggles are also injected into the visit. I think i was even offered a colonic irrigation yesterday!
Another issue for me is ringing in the ears. Very short lived, maybe 5 seconds at a time. I think this is something i need to keep an eye on, i will mention it on my next visit to hospital. Im hoping it will lessen. And talking about eyes, i have developed a twitchy eye. I doubt anyone else can see it, and its not continuous. Thinking about it, i hope others can't see it. They may think I'm winking at them.
Food.  I'm still having vegetable soup and cheese and crackers, but the last couple of days i had pasta with sauce and cheese and i noticed how bloated i felt afterwards, really uncomfortable. I really enjoyed it but i can tell the difference when i don't have carbs. Today i may take a trip out to buy some veg and fish. It will be my first time out of the house since my return from hospital, and I'm not even feeling stir crazy!
Im getting quite excited at the thought!