7.8.16

Further more to my post about being bald the other day (it may have been a month ago, I've lost the plot!), i have realised a further issue. I need glasses to read, as most people of my age (27!) do. I used to put them on my head. It kept my hair out of my eyes and i always knew where they were. Now, if i put them on my head for any length of time, i get little dents in my scalp skin. I think its the nose rests/bridge/pads, whatever you call them. And if thats not bad enough, when i wear them to read something, they seem to weld themselves to the skin above my ears. I feel like I'm ripping my skin off when i take them off! Take heed people. This is gods way of telling you to eat more carrots!
Cure.
People in my cancer group keep talking about a cure. Its such a good word isn't it. Cure Cure Cure.
You'll never know till you die! Simple.
So it was my return to the hospital to see the cardiologist following my Echo co co co. I gathered my strength and took a deep breath to get me up the ramp. Got to the midway where you then turn a corner and felt the need to pretend i was looking at the lovely view from the window. In reality i was 'resting'. Trying to get my breath back. I continued the journey to the receptionist who luckily was talking to someone else. More chance to stop puffing like a 50-a-day smoker.
'You're in the wrong place. You need to be down in outpatients.'
Nobody had told me this. I was sent an appointment for my Echo in the cardio respiratory department and i was told my appointment with the cardiologist on the phone. No department was mentioned.
Luckily i still was puffing like a steam train so she was spared my wrath!
Down to the Yellow clinic. I waited. I played a game. I waited. Another game. I asked the HCA who always seems to bustle (but slowly) about looking important.
'Is Dr Carpenters list running late?'
'I don't know, I'm not dealing with Dr Carpenter!'
And he was gone.
No, 'I'll ask at the desk for you.' Or, 'Go and ask at the desk and they can find out for you.' What happened to helping or being polite? One day he will be in a similar situation, maybe in the diabetes clinic going on the size of his waist! I wish i believed in Karma!
Anyway, his clinic was running late so Dr Carpenter directed me to one of his team and told me he would catch up with me after the paperwork and the initial examination had been done.
Ejection Fraction is the measurement that determines how well your heart is pumping out blood. I believe the normal is 55 -75. Mine dropped to 48 after my first lot of chemo. It is now 47. I suppose thats ok in the grand scheme of things. I am very short of breath at the mo, but i believe that to be the chemo and hopefully will improve in time. I need to keep up the pole dancing!
Dr Carpenter seemed happy enough with me. We reminisced about the faux pas he made when he first met me regarding a gown he gave me to wear. We laughed! He said he still feels uneasy when he sees me......just how i like it!
I will be reviewed in a years time. A year to get fit, lose some weight, and grow some hair, maybe dye it a different colour just to confuse him.

5.8.16

Echo day. Im not gonna embarrass myself by writing ECHO Echo echo co co co. That would be silly.
I arrive at my favourite hospital - Poole. Drive straight into a parking spot. I just know all is gonna go well today.
You see, I'm a bit of a tease. You're all thinking its gone badly as my recent hospital visits have gone. You'll have to read on to find out.
The first hurdle. The cardio-respiratory department was well thought out. Patients with heart and chest problems normally have some shortness of breath. So they have placed the department up a 50ft steepish ramp. So by the time you get to the smiley friendly receptionist you're close to a cardiac arrest. At least you're in the right place i suppose.
I am directed to the seating area with all the old people. Im always the youngest there. I don't know if thats something to brag about or not.
Whilst they read Womens Weekly and  Readers Digest, i pull my iPad from my bag and play a game or two. I wonder if i had the app if there were any Pokemons or Pikachus in the area?
Im called in for my Echo (co co co) by a nice bald man. I can see we have plenty in common.
I am asked to get on the couch.........topless. Its an uncomfortable feeling laying there wearing nothing but a skirt. I even removed my hat. I did warn him first tho. Didn't want him having palpitations.
A quick unexpected squirt of cold gel made me feel like id been defibrillated. Im sure i bounced off the couch.
And we're off.
Breath in. Hold it. Breath normally.
Breath in. Breath out a bit. Hold it. Breath normally.
Breath out quickly and forcibly through the nose. A brief description of why was given, but in one ear and out the other. Something to do with blood vessels closing.
Gel removed (by myself i might add) from various parts of the upper body. Dressed. 'Titfer' back in position, and back down the ramp. A lot easier going down than coming up!
See. That wasn't too painful was it!
2 weeks till i see the cardiologist (oh bugger, back up the ramp) and find out if the treatment has done any damage.

3.8.16

Ive just been for an hours dog walk! Get me. I started dog walking about 2 weeks ago and it seems that walking is an acceptable form of exercise for me. I get a bit puffy, but thats expected. The only problem is this........ i can't put socks on. I remember having arthriticky (i do love making these words up) joints after my first lot of chemo a couple of years ago. It went off eventually. I wish i had taken more notice of when it settled down a bit. Well its happened again. Hips being the worst affected joints. Im thinking of selling tickets to watch me putting my socks on, its quite entertaining, although the air gets a bit blue at times. Im trying to train my little dog Loki to become an 'enabling dog'. Ive got as far as training him to pick up the sock. He then runs off with it and i have to start 'potholing' under the table to retrieve it.
I saw Dr Jack a couple weeks ago. He thinks its ok me having all my issues considering how much he poisoned me. Nausea, retching, headaches and the difficulty in opening the mouth has become clear. Also arthritis.
Ok. I hear ya. Shut your mouth. Keep it shut. And don't open it, not even for food.
My appetite has returned, as have my taste buds. I haven't sampled Prosecco yet. Ive not had the calling.
I have dumped the soft toothbrush (needed when the mouth was sore) in favour of my electric one. Some days i feel rough, others not so bad. When i think back to day 10 when i was discharged from hospital..........i'm so much better.
The biggest but not most important problem.......the hair. Or lack of. Im as bald as an eagle. I have a thin covering of 2mm white hair. I have taken to eating a square of jelly a day, known to be good for hair and nails. This is the baldest I've ever been. The first time it just thinned. I had to shave it off cos it looked weird. And during the salvage chemo which started in february this year it thinned again. It had started to grow back, and quite thick, but the BEAM chemo cleaned me out completely.
I have been out a few times. Coffee here and there, but without the coffee. Usually black tea or hot chocolate, but even that isn't enjoyed at the mo. Cakes aren't, i repeat, aren't, on the agenda yet. Im not interested.  Something seriously wrong there!
And so sad.......the weight hasn't dropped off me as i hoped it would. Ive lost some, but nowhere near enough, despite the small portions i'm having at meal times. And my tummy is so swollen. I presume from the mucositis (inflammation of the digestive tract).
The sun has been shining a fair bit. I don't like it! It makes me hot and sweaty. If i have any head gear on, my head turns into a water feature.  I am not allowed to sit in the sun forever and ever and ever again! Although the shade is ok. Sun cream is advised, which also makes me feel clammy and uncomfortable. So although i watch all the TV programmes of house hunting in France, Spain and other mildly exotic places, it aint gonna happen! Leave me be in damp Dorset. And the wet weather doesnt affect me whilst i am bald. No bad hair day here.