27.4.16

To ring the bell or not to ring the bell...that is the question.
When i finished chemo in 2014, the highlight was to ring the bell. It signified the end of the treatment, the joy of knowing you'd beaten it (hopefully!), or maybe for some people, the acceptance that you'd finished chemo that was just to make life a little better for you until sadly you left this mortal coil.
Radiotherapy has a bell!
Last time i rang the bell i was told i was in complete remission. How wrong were they? My cancer comes under the category of 'chemo resistant'.
When i finish radiotherapy i know i still have to go through the chemo and stem cell transplant. I really don't feel like celebrating my last radio with a quick ding dong while everyone cheers and claps. Its not the end of my treatment. I just want to quietly walk out of the department after saying goodbye to all the lovely people that I've met there, every morning for 15 days. Some of them are wicked, such a good sense of humour, a few of them are very poorly. I want to walk out with my 'skechers go walk' shoes clicking and  squeaking on the vinyl flooring and making my arrival and departure so obvious, as they do every morning.  Everyone stops and stares. I couldn't be more obvious if i had speakers on my head blaring out 'Staying Alive' or 'The Final Countdown'.
Am i wrong to be a party pooper in this way?
Do i care?
The staff have been lovely, even when pulling my pants down on the bed and not warning me! Friendly, caring, interested, understanding. Many adjectives for them, and for the extra staff sat on the table who stay in the room when the other staff run for the hills when the 'beam is on'.

Here they are! Always stay with me whilst I'm being fried!

 

And here she is...Varian 1, and you can see the lovely table that i perch precariously on!

The only down side is the wait. Ive only had this once or twice in the 6 appointments so far.
When you arrive you watch the tv screen showing hospital info waiting for the screen shot that says whether your machine is running on time.
'Varian 1 is running on time'.
How can it be running late at 9am?
The last 2 days I've gone in on time, if not early, and one of my radio mates told me he was next and he had to wait for hours. He didn't get home till 1pm. What happened? Did i leave some sort of fall out?
Anyway, it was 'hump' day today. Half way through. And some good tunes were played for me whilst i lay waiting for action.
'I don't like reggae......i love it.' A 10CC number.
'Once i was 7 years old.' Lukas Graham. Nice lyrics!
The lovely Kelly took me today. Whilst she waited for me she went to the Harbour Hospital and got me a lovely hot chocolate. That kept me quiet all the way home. There was method in her madness.
And it was nice to beep at the junior doctors as we drove past them.
Now time to put my feet up!