20.4.16

Good morning. Ive been a bad girl and not blogged for a whole week, not cos i have nothing to say, but cos i feel soooooooo washed out.
This torment is getting relentless. One thing after another. No time to recover in between tortures.
So the torture of the moment is radiotherapy.
I arrived on monday hoping it would be as i expected. On the bed. Line up. Quick flash. You're free to go. But in true Jilly style, i had to be awkward. I got on the bed/table. A thin plastic/perspex sheet, it can't be soft otherwise it can change your position...and we don't want that. We don't want the beams getting to an important organ. They very quickly realised my tattoos (for radiotherapy, not my jewel on my shoulder or my cancer badge on my wrist) were not quite right. They couldn't line me up. Simon, another colleague was called and i was so worried they were gonna have to start again and do the CT scan and i was thinking of my bruised arms from the stem cell harvest attempts at cannulisation, so i was stressed, so flipping stressed. So Simon came and i was shunted, although i had to shunt myself which isn't easy when I'm stiff and achey before i even start. I moved up the bed and then couldn't place my arms in the position i was supposed to so had my hands on my head.....very similar to when you're in front of the firing squad!
Some foam wedges were put under my top arms and i was told to relax! Try it, its not easy. The wedges didn't work and my arms were precariously wobbling about and shaking for between 15 to 30 minutes. Really.......try it, its almost impossible. However, that was more pleasurable than a CT scan, so i shan't complain!
Number 2 was better, but still takes more time than i expected. My arms still shake but thats something ill have to put up with. I try to imagine I'm laying on a warm sandy beach, with the waves lapping at my feet. What tickles me is when I'm laying on the table and i have my leggings pulled down (their request, I'm not doing it cos I'm an exhibitionist!), they pull my pants down a little without even asking! How very rude! You don't normally get that on a warm sandy beach!
What i do like about it is the waiting room. Everyone greets everyone and they're all so friendly. Its the same faces. I presume the people are like me, having 3 weeks or so of radiotherapy and at the similar time. Theres a lot of joking and laughing, and they're all accepting of their situation. They all discuss their radiotherapy symptoms, and I've found the nausea is common! Yay!
What I'm surprised at is the tiredness. When i get home i lay on the sofa and I'm unconscious in seconds.
Number 3 is now gone, so only 12 left. Lets see if i can cope with them all!